Disgruntled Plumber

How Wario Traded His Way Into Trillions (Edit: Millions) (Edit: Thousands)

In an unexpected turn of events, it seems the world of high-stakes trading has found an unlikely hero. Wario, the mustachioed mischief-maker regarded as a gold-hoarding garlic addict, has reportedly earned trillions through bag-holding high-risk trades on the Robinhood investing app. Reports have surfaced suggesting that Wario has become the latest sensation on the WallStreetBets subreddit, where his unyielding commitment to holding onto his coins has earned him the title of Diamond-Handed Wario.

"It wasn't that hard to become a billionaire," Wario exclaimed while adjusting his purple overalls and chomping on a raw garlic clove. "I just YOLO'd SPY calls, reversed Cramer's advice, and bet with the Pelosis. Everyone knows that's the tried and true strategy to print the tendies."

Known for their enthusiastic embrace of unconventional trading tactics, the WallStreetBets community quickly rallied behind Wario's garlic-driven vision. "This dude's got diamond hands that even Bowser would envy," one user exclaimed, while another added, "Wario's making Elon Musk look like a rookie trader!"

Wario's investment journey has not been without its share of ups and downs. At one point, his AMC calls plummeted faster than Mario down a warp pipe. But true to his reputation, Wario held onto his holdings with an unwavering ape grip, even as fellow investors folded. "I've faced down giant turtles and fire-breathing plants. A little market turbulence won't scare me off from becoming a millionaire," Wario declared with a confident grin.

Wario's stonk journey is far from over. He's convinced that with enough diamond hands and the right "magic" mushrooms, he can lead a stonk revolution like no other. Until then, the WallStreetBets subreddit continues to rally behind their latest hero, proving once again that when it comes to the world of trading, anything can happen.

"I can't wait to see Mario's stupid face when I close my options tomorrow," Wario mocked. "His cheesy tanooki costume is no match for the bears and the bulls. He may best me in board games but his hands go Paper Mario when he goes head to head with my portfolio." Wario ended his interview with one final quip before audibly gasping at his phone and muttering something about needing to go to Wendys with kind regards. Whatever that means.

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